I've decide to write my own Japanimation cartoon. Or perhaps a Japanese style comic. It doesn't make a difference. I was exposed to a little Japanimation 'toon a couple days ago entitled "Bleach." While the meaning of the title completely eluded me, the plot of the cartoon I caught pretty early. A boy, destined to become some all-powerful warrior dude with a gigantic sword, traverses modern-feudal Japan to meet his destiny, making friends and rivals along the way.

This is why I want to write some form of Japanese entertainment. It's easy as shit! Every single Japanese action/adventure or action/adventure/gaming cartoon has the same fuckin' plot and the same fuckin' characters! And the creators of these cartoons make millions off the merchandising rights and shit!

Now, I just gave you readers the basic plot structure, but to make a successful Japanese cartoon, you need sexy characters and lots of 'em.

First, decide on the gender of the main character. This will be the most important decision and will ultimately decide if your cartoon sells or not.

-If you choose to go with a male character, he must by young and androgynous with a sexy large-breasted sidekick/love interest. Must have weird powers that only manifest themselves when he's pissed off.

-Now, if you go with a female character, she must have reasonable breasts, a cute transforming animal sidekick, and a dashing twentysomething love interest.

(Also, while cute transforming animal character sell, large breasts sell better, not to mention only chicks and furries watch cartoons with female main characters, while ALL nerds and bottom feeders enjoy the exploits of the male character and his large-breasted sidekick.)

Now we need some sexy minor characters that the great unwashed lot can drool over and cosplay as until their crotches are red and raw.

-Sidekick/love interest: Big tits. She must also be useful in some way, like she can fix cars or shoot huge, sexy guns.

-Twentysomething love interest: Handsome beyond all get-out. Has sort-of big brother relationship with female main character. Dashing, also.

-Cute transforming animal sidekick: Must have in any kind of Japanese cartoon, no excuses. Needs the least amount of thought to create, until it transforms into its hulking, unstoppable creature form, which must be ridiculously elaborate and bejeweled.

-Token rival: This is the jerk the main character has known all his/her life who picks on the main character, but really has a heart of gold. Must have red hair. Must die.

-Villain: The first fiftysome episodes, this guy can only be shown as a closeup talking mouth or a menacing silhouette with those evil eyes. After that, he/she must be pretty human looking, only with pointy ears and sharp teeth. Then, during the "final battle," he/she must take on at least twelve different forms.

-Mysterious guy with long, dark hair and glasses: This guy is the most mysterious guy in existence, with powers nobody can imagine or get a glimpse of until the last episode.

Now, just give the characters names that mean stupid shit only /b/tards worry about, give at least five of them huge swords no one could possible carry, throw in pointless battles that go no where, and send them on some epic quest to search for some legendary object that may or may not exist.

There you have it, your very own Japanese action/adventure cartoon.

Sincerely,

Johnny D!